A Little About Me
Hey, I’m Tara! I’m a Death Doula, grief ritualist, poet, avid bird nerd, and curator of general whimsy.
As a kid, my mom carted me along to the bedside of dying loved ones and I witnessed time and again how the gaps in care, education, and real space for grief can have a devastating impact on the dying and the grievers. I have an ardent belief that a better way of dying and grieving is possible, so my work seeks to help folks reclaim ritual around death and grief. Drawing on my decades serving as a mentor for fellow trauma survivors, my death work aims to give folks the tools to reclaim their agency in the uncertainty and fear of death, supporting them via: end-of-life planning, legacy preservation, obituary/eulogy writing, education, ritual creation, grief support, and after-death care. I have a special focus and love for my fellow LGBTQIA+ and autistic community, because I want to ensure that our unique griefs and ways of grieving are given support and space to take shape. Always down to talk all things death, especially funerary plans, I love to be weirded in and will even help you with that funeral mixtape.
I am certified in death doulaship through Deathwives, as well as holding a micro certification in LGBTQIA+ grief and death support through La Mort. As a lover of knowledge, I will always be learning from my mentors, clients, and other death professionals. For me, this work is community work, so I will always strive to continue building the skills and wisdom necessary to offer the most compassionate, helpful, and culturally competent support.
Currently I live in Alexandria, VA with my partner, an inordinate amount of houseplants, and a growing collection of bonsai. You can usually spot me at the local library, on a nature trail, or walking around IKEA pretending I live in every display. My favorite bird is the dark eyed junco (no one has better side-eye), but my nemesis bird is the scarlet tanager.
If you’re interested in working with me or have questions about what my Death Doula work looks like, please reach out to me at tara@memorideathcare.com.
Till The End.
What A Death Doula Is And Isn't
Every Death Doula’s work is different, but in my little corner I like to say I’m sort of a concierge for the greatest trip you’ll ever take. My goal is to fit my skill set to my client’s needs, because it is your life and your death that I am here to support. I’m big on death education so expect to learn a lot, because we fear what we don’t know. My work is grounded in community care and support, so expect to see me out and about hosting workshops, grief circles, cemetery walks, and other death-related events. Traditionally we died and grieved in community, so my aim is to shift us back in that direction.
However, my support is always non-medical, and I do not provide legal, financial, or tax guidance and advice. But I do have a great list of local professionals to refer you to. Additionally, while I offer peer grief support, I’m not a licensed mental health professional. Though I have an amazing referral list of those too, especially for LGBTQIA+ and neurodivergent folks. Currently, I’m not offering deathbed vigil sitting AKA 11th hour death doula support.
Why I say "Death"
I use words like death, dying, and died because that is reality, and I think that our euphemistic language around death is a symptom of how detached we've become from something that is as natural as birth. Also, using clear, accurate language helps children process and understand death, instead of euphemisms that can lead to confusion. When we adults use clear language, we help the next generation hold their grief better.
However, my personal preference is just that, my preference. So a standard part of my initial intake is finding out what words you are most comfortable with. Do you want me to be your "Death Doula" or your "End of Life Doula"? I can use whatever language feels best for you, as after all, this is your death (or your end of life).
This was inspired by my own Dad who prefers me to be his End of Life Doula because he feels "Death" sounds impersonal and cold. Whereas for me, I view "End of Life" as a misnomer, because the people who I love that have died still live on in my memories, in my actions, in my ethics, and sometimes in their presence. So the two of us view it very differently, but ultimately I'm happy to use his preferred lingo because it's what feels right to him and it's one small thing I can do to help during whatever bonus time I've got remaining with him.
